If you find yourself second-guessing every word, dreading recurring check-ins, or tiptoeing around a boss or peer as if one wrong phrase might set them off, you may be looking at the 5 Signs of a Toxic Relationship at Work. This isn’t a simple “personality clash.” It’s a pattern that predicts stress-related illness, absenteeism, and exits. A decade of research has tied bullying and incivility to depression symptoms, poor sleep, and lower performance. Catching the trend line early matters—for your health and for the work. Back in 2021, the Workplace Bullying Institute reported U.S. exposure levels most leaders would rather not see in print. It tracks with what The Guardian has covered on rising incivility since the pandemic. My view: waiting it out rarely pays off.

Table of Contents

5 Signs of a Toxic Relationship at Work

Below are five patterns that commonly show up in toxic work relationships—along with quick checks to help you spot them early.

1) Chronic undermining and public shaming

• Pattern to spot: The interruptions that cut you off mid-sentence. Credit for your idea rerouted to someone else. Eye-rolls or barbed “jokes” in meetings. Hypercritical nitpicks that somehow land only on your desk.
• Why it’s harmful: National survey data suggests roughly 30% of U.S. workers report direct bullying and 43% have witnessed it. Meta-analyses link these climates with higher odds of anxiety and depression. Nothing corrodes trust faster then ritual humiliation.
• Quick check: Do you walk away from interactions feeling smaller, confused, or embarrassed more than once a week?

2) Gaslighting and rewriting reality

• Pattern to spot: Clear events are denied. Goals shift after the fact. You’re labeled “too sensitive” the moment you ask for clarity or hold a boundary.
• Why it’s harmful: The research term is “abusive supervision,” a predictor of emotional exhaustion and counterproductive behavior across teams. Over time, you question your recall—and then your competence. It’s a psychological tax with compound interest.
• Quick check: Are you sinking more time into proving what happened than doing the work itself?

3) Isolation, information hoarding, and exclusion

• Pattern to spot: Your name drops off key email threads. Meetings that shape outcomes happen without you. Briefings “accidentally” miss details that would have changed your output.
• Why it’s harmful: Social exclusion activates the brain’s pain circuitry; belonging and status cues are not soft extras. When psychological safety is thin, candor and learning collapse—Google’s Project Aristotle named it the top factor in effective teams. In my experience, secrecy is rarely about efficiency; it’s about control.
• Quick check: Are you consistently the last to learn something you need to succeed?

4) Control that crushes boundaries

• Pattern to spot: Micromanaging so tight you can’t turn around. Frequent status checks that feel like surveillance. Late-night messages stamped “urgent” and an unspoken rule: always on.
• Why it’s harmful: Job strain spikes when demands are high and control is low. Even the expectation of responding after hours—“telepressure”—is tied to worse sleep and greater burnout risk. It’s not hustle; it’s a health hazard.
• Quick check: Do you feel guilty or anxious when you step offline during your own time?

5) Constant dread, burnout signs, and self-blame

• Pattern to spot: The Sunday scaries morph into a stomach drop at the first Slack ping. Sleep fragments. Rumination loops. You start deciding it’s all your fault.
• Why it’s harmful: Burnout is a workplace condition, not a character flaw. Gallup found 76% of employees report burnout at least sometimes, with rates climbing amid unfairness and overload—conditions that cluster in toxic ties. My take: no job is worth chronic dread.
• Quick check: Would a trusted friend say your inner voice has grown harsher since this relationship intensified?

How to respond to the 5 Signs of a Toxic Relationship at Work

• Name the pattern: Put precise language to what’s happening—bullying, gaslighting, ostracism, boundary violations. Naming helps you stop treating systemic behavior as a personal failing.
• Document neutrally: Create a dated record of incidents, including emails, messages, meeting notes, and observed impact on work. When raising concerns, facts and timelines travel farther than feelings alone.
• Set firm, simple boundaries: “Let’s keep feedback in our 1:1s.” “I’m offline after 6; I’ll respond at 9 a.m.” Say it once, clearly; repeat once if needed—then redirect to the task or to written channels.
• Build allies and psychological safety: Loop in mentors, ERGs, or one trusted peer. Ask meeting leads to adopt basic norms (no interruptions, rotate speaking turns). Small norms shift climates.
• Use formal channels early: Share a short pattern summary with your manager or HR: what’s happened, how often, effect on deliverables. Propose options (role clarity, meeting access, workload shifts). Early is easier then late.
• Protect your health: Normalize therapy or coaching. Micro-recoveries count—five-minute walks, paced breathing, screen-off lunches. These aren’t indulgences; they are guardrails for sleep and mood.
• Plan an exit if needed: If behavior persists—or leadership enables it—pursue an internal transfer or new role. Your wellbeing is sufficient reason. Quietly update materials, network, and set a timeline.

What not to do

• Don’t argue reality with a gaslighter. State expectations, capture agreements in writing, and move decisions to email or shared docs.
• Don’t isolate. Silence is the oxygen for toxic dynamics; visibility and peer support reduce risk.
• Don’t overwork to “prove” your worth. Systems drive burnout more than individuals, as multiple reviews have shown.

Red flags that warrant urgent help

• Retaliation after boundary-setting or reporting
• Threats to your safety or reputation
• Severe anxiety, panic, or depressive symptoms

In those cases, contact HR, a trusted senior leader, or an external ombudsperson. If your health is suffering, reach out to a licensed therapist or primary care clinician. Keep contemporaneous notes and, if necessary, consult an employment attorney. It’s unpleasant work, but it protects you.

The bottom line

You’re not “too sensitive.” If you’re seeing the 5 Signs of a Toxic Relationship at Work, the issue is power, safety, and respect—not your worth. Name the patterns, gather allies, choose protective steps. A healthy workplace lets people speak up, learn from errors, and go home without dread. Anything less is a cost center, not a culture.

Summary

Toxic work relationships surface as chronic undermining, gaslighting, exclusion, boundary violations, and mounting burnout symptoms. These patterns predict anxiety, depression, and impaired performance. Document, set boundaries, recruit allies, use formal channels, protect your health, and—if needed—plan an exit. You deserve a workplace that strengthens you, not one that quietly erodes you. Bold next move: act today.

CTA

Share this guide with a teammate, open your incident log now, and book one supportive conversation this week.

References

• Workplace Bullying Institute. 2021 U.S. Workplace Bullying Survey.
• Nielsen MB, Einarsen S. Outcomes of exposure to workplace bullying: A meta-analytic review. Work & Stress. 2012.
• Schyns B, Schilling J. How bad are the effects of bad leaders? A meta-analysis. The Leadership Quarterly. 2013.
• Google re:Work. Guide: Understand team effectiveness (Project Aristotle).
• Barber LK, Santuzzi AM. Telepressure and employee health. Journal of Occupational Health Psychology. 2015.
• Gallup. Employee Burnout: Causes and Cures. 2018.
• Edmondson AC. Psychological safety and learning behavior in work teams. ASQ. 1999.